Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Week 9, PDQ

Another week, another detestable 6-8 record. You know, just once it'd be nice for NFC teams to aspire to something besides an 8-8 record. My son is due any day now, so we'll keep this short.

Baltimore 26, Cincinnati 20: The CBS microphones caught one of the head coaches in a profanity-laced tirade (1 "god-damned," 1 "fucking"). The crazy thing is, it wasn't even Marvin Lewis.

Jacksonville 37, Tennessee 7: After the Jaguars beat Houston next week, it's going to be next to impossible for Jack Del Rio to put Byron Leftwich back in. I'm not saying he shouldn't.

New Orleans 31, Tampa Bay 14: Every week I'm going to remind Jimmy Johnson that after seeing Bruce Gradkowski play all of one half, against the Saints in Week 4, he said Gradkowski may have taken Chris Simms' starting job for good.

N.Y. Giants 14, Houston 10: I can't decide which I liked better: Total ass Jeremy Shockey having his head all but caved in at the goal line, or total ass Jeremy Shockey dropping yet another sure TD catch as a result.

San Diego 32, Cleveland 25: It shouldn't be so damned hard for as good a team as the Chargers to put away as sorry a team as the Browns. Unless the Chargers aren't so good or the Browns aren't so sorry, or a sliding scale of the two.

Seattle 16, Oakland 0: Oakland gives up nine sacks, Randy Moss drops everything thrown his way, the Raiders' only noteworthy play was a knee to the balls, and the Seahawks only win 16-0? I've just got a bad feeling about this.

Miami 31, Chicago 13: The come-from-behind victory over the Cardinals proves that even when they don't play their best, even when they turn the ball over six times, the Bears still find a way to win. They're gonna go undefeated!

Kansas City 31, St. Louis 17: The Chiefs are always tough to beat in Missouri.

Detroit 30, Atlanta 14: Remember, we were all supposed to think Michael Vick had turned the corner based on his performance against Pittsburgh (now 2-6) and Cincinnati (4-4).

Buffalo 24, Green Bay 10: Remember, we were all supposed to thing the Packers had turned the corner based on their performance against Miami (now 2-6) and Arizona (1-7).

Washington 22, Dallas 19: Bill Parcells gave his whole team mono.

Denver 31, Pittsburgh 20: Ben Roethlisberger keeps throwing those passes up there as if the laws of physics apply differently when you're the defending champion.

San Francisco 9, Minnesota 3: There's disappointment, but not really shame, in getting shut down by the New England defense on a Monday night. There's really nothing but shame in getting shut down by the San Francisco defense on a Sunday afternoon.

Indianapolis 27, New England 20: I turned on the radio today only long enough to hear Colin Cowherd, the most superfluous blowhard in all of sports talk, argue that until Peyton Manning wins the Super Bowl, he's always going to say Tom Brady is the better quarterback. What a startlingly original line of thinking. What a cutting-edge argument. What a controversial stance.

SEASON: 76-52
(2005 through Week 9: 86-44)

Down and Distance's exclusive KA-POWER RANKINGS are back for their second year. The product of a simple formula, the rankings have predicted 10 of the last 16 Super Bowl winners. Further, 14 of the last 16 Super Bowl winners finished the regular season No. 1 or No. 2 in the KA-POWER RANKINGS system. Unlike with other, lesser rating systems, no opinion is involved in formulating these rankings. None. Teams are ranked on a centigrade scale, with 100 representing the NFL's strongest team and 0 its weakest. Don't like where your team is ranked? Blame science. (Key: WK9 = This week's ranking. WK8 = last week's ranking. POW = KAPOW-ER centigrade score)
11 Bears 100.001719Seahawks 36.49
22 Chargers 85.041817Rams 35.03
33 Patriots 76.901922Redskins 30.01
44 Ravens 72.572024Dolphins 29.09
59 Jaguars 72.322120Panthers 28.98
66 Broncos 67.792221Jets 27.98
75 Cowboys 63.792318Packers 26.31
87 Giants 63.132425Lions 25.24
98 Colts 62.802523Browns 23.40
1010Eagles 59.892628Bills 21.81
1111Saints 57.502726Cardinals14.24
1216Chiefs 47.382829Titans 12.66
1313Bengals 44.57293249ers 5.29
1412Falcons 42.913031Bucs 4.01
1514Steelers38.853130Raiders 0.65
1615Vikings 36.493227Texans 0.00
Teams eliminated this week from Super Bowl championship consideration (what?): Steelers, Packers. Teams previously eliminated: Raiders, Titans, Lions, Dolphins, Cardinals, Redskins, Browns, Bills, Texans, Buccaneers, 49ers.

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